The Sound of Silence

11 days. That's how long it's been since I posted anything.

I can't stand it when I check other people's blogs faithfully because I really want to hear what they have to say, and they don't post for a long time. So, I apologize to you if you're like me.

I could blame the long absence on simple busy-ness, and that would not be untrue. It wouldn't be the real reason, though. The real reason has more to do with what I've given as the title of this post.

I don't know about you, but sometimes my mind, heart, and life get so full that I no longer know what to think, much less what to say. I hear so many voices that I can scarcely hear the voice of God speaking TO me, much less THROUGH me. I feel so much that I don't know what to feel, and I sort of go numb. And in those moments, all I hear is silence. I do and think and say and feel what I have to do and think and say and feel at any given moment. And that's all I can do or think or say or feel. And then when I don't have to be feeling, or thinking, or saying, or doing anything, I shut down. That's where I've been, I guess, for these past 11 days.

It's not that I haven't sensed God's presence or felt intense emotions or glimpsed the holy during these days. Quite the opposite. It's hard not to feel profound grief and the gentle touch of the Holy Spirit while praying with family members whose son/grandson/brother just died in his sleep at age 19. It's hard not to feel profound joy and the embrace of Christ while baptizing a new child of God. It's impossible not to feel God's peace while surrounded by beloved family and abundance of food at Thankgiving, offering praise to the Father. I have certainly laughed and felt tremendous gratitude to the Creator when my son has said some of the funniest things I've ever heard. (The other day, when on his Bob the Builder DVD one of the characters said "So let's drink a toast to..."[yes this is a toddler's video], my child [almost 3] said: "That's silly what Wendy said. We don't drink toast!")

Perhaps it's the intensity of each moment that has gotten me. Perhaps it is the busy-ness. Perhaps its the long list of things I have to get done at some point, but clearly not today. Perhaps it is the "going through the motions". I don't know. Whatever the reason, I've not been able to think of much to say; I haven't had much clarity.

But maybe that's the very best way there is to enter the season of Advent. Waiting for clarity. Waiting to hear God speak. Waiting to understand. Waiting for everything to come together. Waiting on the Savior. Waiting...while knowing that God is faithful. Waiting...while knowing that God will come. Waiting...in silence.