Five Years Ago Today...

this picture was taken, and sent out to friends and family by my husband, to announce the birth of our son:

He woke me up this morning by coming into my room and announcing (with his hand up and all his fingers up in the air to show me his new age):

"Mommy, I'm five! I'm five years old today...it's my birthday! I'm five years old FOR REAL!"

It was the best wake-up I could have gotten. Such a happy boy...joyful to be five years old.

Over these five years, I've made many mistakes and lost my temper more times than I can count. I've not been a perfect parent, and he's not been a perfect child. But I pray that I've done a few things for him.

I pray that I have...

shown him a reflection of the unconditional love his Creator has for him,

taught him a bit about God's design for his life,

introduced him to his Savior as faithfully as I can,

begun to guide him to accept the grace of the Holy Spirit who will fill him throughout his life,

and

taught him about the beauty of the Church, the followers of Jesus who love God and each other as best they can and who walk together, hand-in-hand, on the journey of faith.

If I've done this, then perhaps I can consider that the greatest success of my life.

But I pray each day to be a better representative of Christ to my son than I was the day before. I thank God each day for the grace that offers me forgiveness, a new start, and transformative power. I pray each day that "Jed" knows the love and grace of his Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer, as I do. I thank the Lord each day for the man who is "Daddy" to our "little man" and my partner in parenting...and I pray for those who have no partners as they parent. I can imagine no harder task.

In this, my son's now-sixth year of life, I pray that we will all "grow up" together through the beauty of sanctification. What a journey...

New Year's Resolutions

I'll continue my tradition.

My resolutions for 2010 are:

+ Write thank-you notes (haven't I had that as a resolution before...hmm...a growing edge?)
+ Rescue a child from an orphanage (if indeed that's God's plan for our family), OR
+ Get involved in orphan ministry in Ukraine
+ Grasp a vision...God's vision...and take a step (or two) to help make it a reality
+ Clean my desk
+ Get rid of some junk (in my soul and in the house and office)
+ Hug my child every day, whether he likes it or not
+ Every week, call a friend far away
+ Read a book each month, even if it's an "easy read"
+ UPDATE MY BLOG!

And, if you're reading this, how about help remind me about these?! Thanks!

Time, Time, Tickin'...

So, about six weeks or so ago I came home from work to a most amazing scene. My husband practically met me at the door to say: "Your son has something he wants to show you."

"Mommy, come here!" his voice rang out from the hallway. So I went through the den and peeked around the corner to see this:

Look carefully. He's so proud. And can you guess what he had been doing? I knew immediately, because I had been watching him copy the times off of the digital clock under the television for days. My husband reported that for a full fifteen minutes, our son would copy the time onto a piece of paper and then put it in the marching line in the hallway, only to begin again as soon as the minute changed. He did both sides of the paper, so when you flipped a sheet over, you saw 1158 and 1204, for example.

He left out the colons, but he still marked every minute of time for fifteen minutes of his life and left the evidence of his focus all down our hall.

It got me thinking about just how quickly those minutes change and turn to hours, and how those hours turn to days, and those days to weeks, and those weeks to months, and the months to years. And how do we mark that time? How do we honor the truth of each minute? And do we recognize God's presence in each time?

I realize that I haven't been the best blogger here recently. The past few months have brought lots of twists and turns, and I've been preoccupied. Time has marched on, and I've just tried to hang on for the ride, giving honor to each death and to the grief it brings, while celebrating moments of joy and peace in a spirit of thanksgiving to God.

I've also been faced with many questions and struggles over the past year, as I'm sure most of us have. These struggles have been personal as well as vocational, dealing with family and church life. As a family and as a church family, we've tried together to discern the best paths ahead, the ones into which Christ would lead.

But today is New Year's Eve, and I look forward to the calendar's turn-over. I look forward to a new year. I hope it is full of hope, health, love, celebration, and joy. Perhaps it will involve adding a new "little one" to our family through international adoption...we're working on that. Perhaps it will lead to peace with our family just the way it is. Perhaps...

What is sure is this: God already knows what 2010 will hold, and will hold us through it. Thanks be to the Lord for that!

Trade as One - Just One

Something to think about if you haven't finished your Christmas shopping. Also check out options at www.umcor.org.

JEd's first recording- "Jesus Loves Me"

Enjoy!
No matter how you sing it, the message is always true!

Challenging the Waves

My son has begun a new phase of his life: the water-loving phase.

We were worried about this for a long while, because while he would play in VERY shallow water, he would have a screaming fit if we tried to get him to float, swim, or do anything that involved water above his waist.

But this is a new day.

He has taken swimming lessons, and he has developed confidence.
My husband was eager to see how this translated from a pool to an OCEAN.
So they went yesterday to the beach, only 1.5 hours away.

And the most amazing, hilarious, and inspiring thing happened:

Our son was loving playing in the water, the waves, even slightly above his waist. My husband could hear him saying something, seemingly to the waves, over and over, but he couldn't make out the words. He just let the boy play.

AND THEN THE BIG WAVE CAME. IT KNOCKED "JED" DOWN, UNDER THE WATER.
Suddenly, my child was completely enveloped in the wave, pulled totally under water. My husband was certain that he would react the way he always had: coming back up, crying, wanting to pack up and go home.

BUT THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT.
As "Jed" came up, my husband watched him turn again to the waves. He pointed both of his fingers at them and said,
"Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!"

My husband was so proud; he has turned a corner.

We later found out, as they were telling me the story, that what our son had been saying to the waves as they hit him, before the "big one" came, was
"C'mon now, waves, you gotta do better than that if you wanna knock 'Jed' down!"
[he actually said his full name in that sentence :-)]

I've been thinking about this ever since. My son was challenging the waves.
The things that had always come and knocked him down, making him fear the power of the ocean, throwing him off-balance...he was challenging them! He was ready for whatever knock they would bring, and he knew he could get up. He was confident.

I wonder...do we have the confidence to "challenge the waves?"

Those things that have been able to knock us down in the past, that have caused us fear, can we look at them and know that they really have no power over us? Can we be like the "virtuous woman" of Proverbs 31, who, because of her trust in God and her wisdom in living, could "laugh at the time to come?"

I'm so glad my son learned that, no matter what waves came at him, or how big or strong they turned out to be, he could have confidence that he could and would get back up. The courage he has gained has come through learning, trusting. I pray that, in faith, we too can learn and trust that the God within us is stronger than any waves, so we can confidently say:

C'mon now, waves, you gotta do better than that to knock [insert your name here] down!

Mommy's Kisses vs. Daddy's

We've had a big weekend.

Yesterday we went to one of our beautiful state parks: on Lake Marion in Santee. The boys had been there several times before; I hadn't. So they took me in our canoe along the shoreline from the boat ramp, to the isolated place they had named "Little Frog Beach," owing to the fact that there had been scores of little tiny frogs there the last time they'd been there. I re-named it "Stinky Beach," because while I saw no tiny frogs, I did see quite a few fish skeletons, and I did smell quite a fish smell.

However, I also got to watch my son splash in the water and quite enjoy himself, so it was worth it.

You can imagine that after such a day in the sun, no one was interested in cooking that evening after we got home. We decided to go get a pizza instead. So while we were at the restaurant, "Jed" bumped his elbow on the table. It hurt. He started to whimper.

"Let mommy kiss it," I offered.

So he showed me the spot, and I kissed it. At least I thought I did. He said

"No, mommy. Right here."
And he pointed to a new spot.

At that, he frowned. It was obvious he was still hurting.

"I guess mommy's kisses just don't really work anymore," I said to him, sadly. I was secretly lamenting the fact that my son is growing up as he opened his mouth again.

"Well, sometimes they don't," he said.

At that, my husband said, "Let Daddy try."

So "Jed" offered his elbow. My husband kissed it.

"Jed" thought for a second, looking at his elbow.

"OK," he said, with a lift in his voice, "Daddy's kisses kinda make it worse!"

CHALK ONE UP FOR MOMMY.